Okay, so I’ve dated around a little bit. Some cool guys, some weird guys, some clingy guys, and some guys that gave me a free dinner, and that’s about it. My point is that everybody is different. All men are not the same, and all women are not the same. Just because you have an unfortunate experience with one person doesn’t mean the next person is going to screw you over.

Look, there will be people who you will not mesh well with in relationships. It doesn’t mean they’re bad people, or that they were out to hurt you. It just means that you were not compatible. For example, I went on a date a while ago, and the guy was very….intense. We had never really hung out before, and so I just wanted to get to know him a little better. I realized while I was on this date that I was just NOT attracted to him romantically. This doesn’t mean I didn’t think he was a great guy, or fun to be around. I explained to him after the date that I just wasn’t feeling a connection, and he was really very upset, because he felt that, by going out on the date with him, I was leading him on. Was I a bad person because I went out with him, and THEN realized that I wasn’t attracted? I don’t think so. I think he was upset, and couldn’t understand why I wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship with him. It happens. He’s not a bad person, I’m not a bad person. This is the dating life: Feelings are going to be hurt, no matter how nice you are. It is unavoidable, and the only way you could possibly avoid it is to close yourself off completely. And that doesn’t sound like much fun, does it?

When we go through a bad dating experience, or a bad breakup, we tend to have this “The opposite sex is evil” mentality, and that can be damaging to your still intact relationships. I think it’s natural that when someone violates your trust, you tend to close yourself off, to avoid being hurt again, but it’s important to really work hard at remaining open and available emotionally to your friends and family during these times, because they are who will support you-And you never know, one of those “friends” might evolve into something more!

Introducing Tracy Turnblad, a young, eager and yes, a little on the plump side, teenager growing up in early 1960′s Baltimore Maryland.

She aspires to land a gig on The Corny Collins Show, the most popular show for youngsters to watch.

Only problem? The lovely (evil) Velma Von Tussle and her equally blooming (untalented) daughter, Amber are doing their best to thwart Tracy’s rise to stardom.

So then Tracy meets Seaweed, a young black dancer who helps her learn some groovin’ new moves that help her during her audition for the show.

Seaweed quickly sets his eye on Penny, Tracy’s best friend, and they fall in love.

Tracy gets a spot on the Corny Collins Show, and is entered in the running for Miss Teenage Hairspray. The only problem is that Amber is hell-bent on winning the crown herself. So she and her mother get Tracy thrown in JAIL. What they didn’t count on was Link Larkin, the cool guy from the show (not to mention, Amber’s boyfriend) falling in love with Tracy, leaving Amber, and rescuing Tracy!

Together, they infiltrate the TV studio during a nationwide live broadcast, and teach Amber and her mom a lesson about acceptance.

It’s a great show, and I really recommend checking it out if there’s ever a production of it in your area! It was a great thing to be involved with, and I made SO many new and amazing friends.

At this point, I’m in rehearsals for Fame, which is also a lot of fun, because it’s set in the 80′s, so it’s really high energy. I’ve also set up an audition with the American Musical and Dramatic Academy, which has campuses in both New York and Los Angeles, so I’m busy prepping for that. It’s been a very busy summer/beginning of fall, and I’m looking forward to the next couple months!

Okay, so maybe I’m exaggerating a little. I think it’s probably just adrenaline and nerves that scare me. It’s a foreign concept to most people-standing in front of complete and total strangers baring your entire soul and passion only to (probably) be turned down. Because let’s face it-in all likelihood, you’re not going to get a part. You’re going to be passed over for someone cuter and more talented, and “OHMYGOD she’s dancing the choreography in 5 inch stilettos!” And then you hate her, because she’s obviously some mutant from another planet who is raining on your parade. (Get it? Get it? Musical theater reference? Funny? No? Okay.)

Anyway, I’m just here to tell all of you non-auditioners out there to PLEASE keep it that way. I can’t handle any more competition than Miss Malibu Barbie over there. It’s bad enough that when you’re waiting for your name to be called, your palms start sweating, and your knees won’t stop that weird vibrating thing they do, and suddenly you can’t remember ANY vocal exercises, OR the lyrics to your audition song. I don’t need to realize that the girl in front of me can perform any song off Broadway flawlessly, at the drop of a hat. In fact, I’m better off not knowing there IS a girl in front of me. I’m just going to sit here, and feign ignorance.

So I’m sitting in the San Antonio airport waiting for my flight to start boarding. Airports are fun, in my opinion. Well, not THIS particular airport, but other airports are. Denver. San Francisco. Baltimore. All very fun, very cool airports.

I just like traveling, period. It’s fun, and makes me feel very adult. There’s something about packing, and driving to the airport, that gives you a rush. Also, when you travel, you get to buy cool coffee drinks that you wouldn’t otherwise. Like this one. (: And sometimes, you meet some cool people. Like the couple I met on my first flight-they had just returned from vacationing in Buenos Aires, and had some really cool pictures to show me.

Plus, San Francisco has this really yummy tortilla soup in a sour dough bread bowl. It’s to die for. I literally have dreams about this soup, and the bread. I haven’t eaten anything all day in preparation for this soup. It’s like I had to fast, in order to cleanse and purify my body to prepare for this soup. It’s that delicious. Yeah, be jealous. I am going to sit here and enjoy. One more flight and I am at the abuelos casa. (:

Sex. Apparently, everyone’s doing it. Except me. Nope. No sex here. No walking into my house in the dead of night after a romp in the sheets that left me deliciously exhausted. (Have I been reading those romance novels again? To quote Sarah Palin: “You betcha.”) Which is fine by me, actually. So why, oh WHY, does my personal life concern everyone and their mom? I don’t get it. I don’t go around telling you you’re horrible for having sex. So when people find out I choose not to have sex, why is it that they think they have the right to throw that surprised look at me?

And furthermore, I choose not to be sexually active. I choose that. No one else. It’s not a religious choice. Or a choice that is made out of fear of disappointing my parents. It’s a deeply thought out, completely personal decision. And no one had any influence on the outcome of that decision except me. Which, in turn, means that no one has a chance of changing my mind. When I change my view on the issue, that will be because of me. Not because of a guy. Not because someone tells me how “great” it is. I’m sorry. I’m not stupid-obviously it feels good. Otherwise, why would so many people do it?

Because, let’s be honest. Sex complicates things. It makes things messy, and involves emotions that, quite frankly, I’d rather not deal with right now. I’ve got too many things going on to let some guy come insert his…complicated emotions (what did you think I was going to say?!) into MY life. So I’ll just stick to my non-messy, uncomplicated, no-sex life. Because it’s a hell of a lot easier than the alternative. At this point, anyway.

Normally, this maturity gap wouldn’t be a problem. Except when it comes to dating. Dating is hard to begin with, and even harder when you’re not able to relate to anybody your own age. I’m sorry-I don’t call someone my boyfriend just to have a boyfriend. It doesn’t make sense to me. Why date someone if you’re not able to see a future with them? So, in general, I have a lot of first dates. Which sucks, because first dates are completely awkward. And they make me nervous.

So, dating is difficult for me. Insanely difficult, actually. Anybody that I’m remotely attracted to (in a manner beyond physical) is usually at least 6 or 7 years older than me. And when I’m 20, and the guy is 27…that presents an issue. I’m still in college, and he is stable in the workplace. I drink water when I go out (because I’m not of legal drinking age, and plus-it’s free), and he drinks beer. I’ve never had a boyfriend, and he’s had several relationships. So, you can start to understand my dilemma.

In addition to all THAT, I’m also very wary of men. They scare me. In an emotional way. I’m really independent, and the thought of someone having control over my emotions terrifies me. No, this doesn’t mean I don’t want to get married or have kids. I would LOVE that-in fact, it’s one of the things I most look forward to. It’s figuring out how to get there that’s the problem.

I have a feeling it’s going to take a very…persistent…man to break through these boundaries of mine. I don’t give in easily, and he (whoever he ends up being) will likely get frustrated on numerous occasions. I’m working on it-I really am, but I think it will take someone showing me I’m worth the time and trouble for me to really understand and grasp that not all men are evil.  There’s this quote I heard once…”No guy is worth your tears, and when you find a guy who is-he won’t make you cry.” I don’t know that I believe that the right guy will never make me cry, but I do think that someday, someone will be worth the pain.

I think it would be completely unfair (to him and me) if I ignore the way I’m feeling any longer, and lead him to believe everything is fine and dandy between us. Certain things need to be fixed, or it won’t be a healthy relationship for me to be involved in.

Let’s call this guy Fred. Fred is a little hard-headed, and a little self-righteous. He tends to have a “my way or the highway” kind of attitude, and I do not appreciate it. Fred kind of irritates me, to be honest, because he is (or was, anyway) blissfully oblivious to my growing impatience with him. Fred is an adult, and should be able to decipher when his actions negatively impact other people. Most of all, Fred cannot continue to think he has done nothing wrong.

Frankly, Fred needs to grow up and act his age.

And yes, “Fred” may read this. That’s fine. Relationships aren’t always perfect, and neither are people. And that is OKAY. What isn’t okay is when someone knows someone is upset with them, knows WHY they’re upset, and does nothing to fix it. Progress, people, is the goal here. Not perfection.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.”

-Nelson Mandela

I’ve been thinking a lot lately. About…stuff. You know-the crap that muffles your thoughts, and clogs up your brain. School, work, relationships. And this constant, nagging thought has been on my mind the entire time: We are consistently striving to conform to society’s belief of who we should be, how we should act, and what direction our life should take us in.

I find it to be such a shame that Americans constantly cater to the minority. In classrooms, teachers are not allowed to teach anymore, because they are required to spend extra time helping below grade level students, many of whom have been “promoted” based not on ability level, but by parental approval. You see this same thought process paralleled in everyday life. You have to compensate for a coworkers incompetence. Tax money being spent to pay for welfare for families that can’t afford food, and so on and so forth.

Sure, we want to make sure that everyone is taken care of, but that is impossible in a country of our size. If we don’t allow people to fail, we also prohibit people from rising above and succeeding. We are so concerned with making sure nobody’s feelings get hurt, that we fail to see the handicap we are placing on ourselves.

“And, as we let our own light shine, we CONSCIOUSLY give other people permission to do the same.”

Make a conscious decision today to be the very best YOU can be, and allow others to do the same.

So many people believe that just being older than someone makes them deserving of that person’s respect. If you don’t give respect, how can you expect to receive it? Furthermore-if you don’t respect me, or make an effort to build on our relationship, you can be sure that I am not going to waste my time trying to make it last, either.

So many adults are concerned with being respected that they never give any thought to how they’re treating others. So before you try and force someone into respecting you, perhaps it would be wiser to take a look in the mirror to see what you could be doing differently. Respect others, and they’ll respect you. Don’t, and you can be sure that you won’t be respected in return.

With that said, should a thin person have their personal space encroached upon while traveling? If a person cannot fit comfortably into a pre-allotted space on their travels, they should have to purchase multiple seats in order to make the travels more comfortable for not only other passengers, but themselves as well. I was reading comments on an article that was written about this situation today-the article was written by a woman who is overweight, and therefore from that perspective-and one comment summarized my feelings perfectly. It stated that,

“Obesity is self-inflicted. Your body is a machine: calories in, calories out. The only way to maintain excessive body mass is to eat more calories than you use…Forgive me for not being willing to respectfully share the little bit of room I pay for on flights because the guy next to me didn’t respect his body enough to care for it.”

Here’s the deal. I pay the same amount of money for my single seat as an obese individual pays for their single seat. You paid for ONE seat. I paid for ONE seat. So I should not  have to share any portion of my seat with you, because you don’t fit into yours. Many people are voicing the opinion that maybe there should be a separate section with wider seats for a higher price. Newsflash: it’s called business or first class. I’m sorry if you can’t afford it, but maybe if you didn’t spend the $30-45 a week on fast food, you’d have the money to upgrade your seat. Then again, if you didn’t eat fast food every week, you probably wouldn’t need to upgrade your travel plans.